Different

I didn't like this. One reason I didn't like this was because the rhymes were forced, they didn't flow naturally. Rhymes have to be carefully thought out - if you're not going to work on a rhyme, trying to shape it and improve it; not going to put the time into it that it requires to seem like nothing went into it at all, that it was the easiest thing in the world - then don't write rhyming poetry. Poems aren't meant to be spontaneous things that don't take any effort or energy, that just flow freely from someone's heart; they're not sacred, untouchable expressions of captured feelings; they're not the result of someone pouring their heart onto paper. The work is hard, is dirty; it means up all night thinking about whether you should take out the second stanza; it means frantically searching through a thesaurus for something that means the same thing as what you had to begin with, while any sane person in the room tells you that it doesn't matter which word you use. When you're a great poet, when you've spent your whole life building up your vocabulary and reading the works of other brilliant minds and studying their secrets to learn the trade yourself, perhaps your first draft will be a great poem - but it's unlikely. Watch a painter stepping back to look at his painting to know what needs work; watch a sign-maker lay out the carbon-copied plans for his lettering; watch an architect mess around with rulers and protracters. Like any other craft, writing requires work as well as creativity. Having an image in his head, a painter still has to paint it; likewise, a writer must communicate the emotions he or she is trying to get across by utilizing the tools of the trade. Rhymes are one of them, but what you've got here is like mixing purple and yellow in a painting. You need to learn to use them correctly - not just toss them around because that's what you think poets do.

Also, correct grammar ("im" = I'm) and knowledge of when to use words ("except" =accept) are helpful.